It was a false belief that I did not want to let go of. I wanted to believe that I deserved to have money. As I wrote down my affirmations on money, I realized that even though I had chosen those that were positive, there was still something wrong with most of them. The affirmations pushed me to release the concept of lack of money, and to embrace the concept of abundance. Yet, what does that have to do with me?
It is nothing new. I already knew that there is enough money. Governments all of a sudden had trillions of dollars to lose on orchestrated financial crises. Even one trillion dollar should be enough money to be able to do all one can and have money to spare. The spare change would allow millions of people to be able to eat all they can. No, I was not in shortage of money because I could not see that there was plenty of it.
There was also no need to believe that I did not know how to “handle money with love,” or that I did not know how to handle any money that “came into my life.” Sure, I was not spending my money wisely enough, but neither were the people who had a lot more. I was doing the same thing as they were, as I was following the same doctrine. I worked hard to earn money. To get baffled at how quickly it was spent.
It was the money itself that was a problem for me. I just did not know what it was. How can a few pieces of cheap paper and a few worthless coins hold so much power over almost everyone? It was difficult for me to come up with the question, because I was born into this toxic money system and indoctrinated to uphold it. How to imagine another way when I have never know anything different? As a child, I had started to want money because everybody else desired it, and I could buy candy with it.Or, maybe only because I could buy candy with it.
As an adult, I needed money because I have bills to pay, and want to show that I can live well. Well beyond my means. I should have understood that when a client paid me for my work, the money stood for something else than money. I should have only accepted money if the client had nothing else to offer me but money, or when I needed money to spend on services that could only be paid for with money. It might have served me better to trade services directly.
Instead, I spent precious time at the stores to exchange the money for services or products. The stores then charged me for the exchange, and added taxes to the bill. I was left with less money to spend than if there had been a direct exchange. So, the more hands touch the money, the less money is left for me. The money that I got from the client was not the money that I got to spend.
I need to read up on crashed money systems in the past to be able to see through the iron grip of the current system. I do not have to make the mistake of investigating my false beliefs about money from the perspective of the system anymore. I have a vision that things will be much clearer if I investigate things from the forgotten past and recognize why they wanted us to forget it. By backstepping to investigate, I might finally find a way out of this maze.